Why Your Cold Emails Aren’t Landing

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Today’s Skill: Personable Outreach

Imagine a perfect world where leads come pouring in by the bushels with qualified prospects.

We can dream a little, right?

Sadly, it’s not the case unless you’ve built a wonderful referral engine or have an active audience through Linkedin, a Newsletter or some other format.

Inevitably, you’re going to have to send cold outreach to some prospects.

→ So, I want to help you do that.

I want you to write emails that are engaging and grab attention. I want you to start getting responses, whether yes or no.

→ To do that, let’s first look at what not to do.

I recently received a cold email that completely missed the mark. I always open these to see how sales teams approach prospecting, and this one was a great example of what not to send.

Here’s the original email for context:

(I removed their company info to keep them anonymous)

Subject Line: Cary’s Next Chapter

What They Got Wrong:

❌ I’m Not Their Ideal Customer

They sell to companies with employees who need HR and benefits solutions. A quick LinkedIn scan would tell them I’m a solopreneur. That should have instantly disqualified me.

❌ The Subject Line

It’s weird. I live in a city named Cary, but what does that have to do with anything? Likely an automation error pulling location data incorrectly. Or maybe their way of getting me to open it? 😏 Not sure so I’ll keep playing.

❌ The Opening Line

“Especially in a dynamic industry like media.”

My LinkedIn company page might be tagged as "Media," but that’s about where it ends. There are so many other options to zero in on like Podcasting or Coaching. Clearly, this is automation pulling surface-level info. It’s generic and shows zero real research.

❌ Generic Problem Statement

“Managing HR, IT, and finance across different systems”

It's vague and irrelevant to me. It's a blanket statement which tells me they don’t understand who they’re emailing.

❌ Weak Pitch

“Freeing you to focus on what you do best—guiding your team and growing your business.”

How do they know what I do best? And “Guiding” and “growing” are generic words designed to cast a wide net. It’s clear they aren’t talking to me and have a list they are mass sending to. Also, I have a sneaky suspicion this was written by AI.

❌ No Value Close

They try to soft mention their product (very generically) and close with "Curious to see how it works?" The word “curious” has become overused. (I know because I catch myself using it more than I should!) They are trying to get a reaction out of me but it’s not working because they lost me earlier.

The Big Issue: No Research, No Personalization

Am I being too harsh? Maybe. But what’s the goal of sending this? If it’s a pure volume play, fine, do what you want with your reputation.

→ But isn’t a better strategy to stand out with a little effort and make a strong first impression?

Plus, you save more time on the back-end by spending more time upfront sending to the right audience with a personalized message.

Okay, I digress.

(Deep breaths, Brian…)

How I’d Rewrite It For Them

Before I share, a few thoughts…

1. I’m not a copywriter, but intent matters more than perfect phrasing.

2. This research took under two minutes on my LinkedIn profile and Perplexity.

3. The goal? Empathy! Meeting them where they are instead of pitching first.

Subject line: Podcasting, Books and Coaching…How do you stay so consistent?

So, When you’re writing your next emails…

1. Do 2 minutes of research to find out if they are your ICP and learn more about them.

2. Be clear and direct - Share something you've learned from the research in an engaging way.

3. Give immediate value - Provide a resource that might help them right away, whether they end up talking with you or not.

4. Give them the control - Ask if they are even interested to explore or have this as a priority and leave it up to them. Something super easy like, "If this sounds relevant, let me know. I also sent a Linkedin connection if easier to connect there."

Emails shouldn’t be about chasing a quick win. It’s about starting a conversation.

Would the original email have done that? Not a chance. (although it did help me with this newsletter topic so for that I’m grateful 😊)

Your Action Item

✅ Create an email template that you can use as your boilerplate when sending email outreach. You’ll tweak it over time so it doesn’t have to be perfect to begin.

✅ Pick five potential clients and spend two minutes each researching them on LinkedIn.

✅ Craft a more personable email for each and send it to them

Be creative. Have fun. Try different ways to present this to potential clients.

It’ll come off more authentic and you’ll get more people’s attention.

Forward it to me if you’d like some feedback

🙌 Let’s make it better, together.

One last thought:

Email is great if that’s all you got.

But what’s one step better? Sending this as a LinkedIn audio DM.

What’s better than that? Turn this into a LinkedIn video DM.

Those give you the chance to expand more on your research and build instant rapport. More on these in an upcoming issue 😊

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